The other night I was watching Letterman, and Christina Applegate was on. Not sure if it was a rerun or not (he took a long vacation this summer), or if it even matters, but she was on and she was in early pregnancy. She mentioned that she’s been rather “filter-free” during the pregnancy, and you know what? I think that’s a good description for me these days.
I’m not crying all the time, and really, I’m not particularly hostile (seriously, PB would agree, and not because he is afraid for his life). I’ve always been a very passionate and intense person and have very definite opinions about most things. However, I’m also sensitive to how people have historically perceived my passion, and happen to be very sensitive to strong opinions from others, so I try and keep my mouth shut about things that may provoke undesired conflict. I don’t like to discuss money or religion or the long list of things that I find to be wrong with the world. Not unless I think I can do so without causing any strife.
The point of my saying all this is that, well, I think that’s one of the reasons I haven’t been writing as much (first still being, I feel like crap most days). It’s becoming much more challenging for me to express things…delicately. And I’ve read other blogs where they said what they felt without filter…and I don’t read them anymore. Because they pissed me off one too many times. And when it comes to all things IF, pregnancy, and child-rearing related? People are especially sensitive and have especially strong feelings. And I’m not here to alienate anyone. So sometimes I have a post in my mind and I just don’t write it. Because someone is bound to get pissed off no matter how I say it.
All that said, I’m going to take a little risk here, and talk about something that is important to me, and hope that I’m able to phrase it in a way that doesn’t alienate anyone, and that if I misstep in expressing myself, a little forgiveness will be given because my intentions are all good.
So here it goes…
Last night we went to our Moms of Multiples class and it was part 1 of 2 about breastfeeding and feeding choices. Really, it was mostly about breastfeeding. Which really surprised me.
I haven’t been shy about the fact that being able to breastfeed is really, really important to me. And a lot of people have come back and said that I shouldn’t put so much pressure on myself. Breastfeeding is hard with one baby. I’m having three babies. A lot of multiples moms don’t. I should give myself a break.
I think a lot of mothers of singletons feel very pressured to breastfeed. Then no one tells them how hard it can be, and they feel guilty about pumping and supplementing or going straight to formula. I think they often don’t feel supported in the decision to not breastfeed, and they really want to relieve other mothers of the guilt or frustration they might have felt.
When you’re having multiples, at least in my experience so far, every time I bring it up, I sort of feel a lack of support in my choice or desire to breastfeed. People take it for granted that, because you’re having multiples, you won’t or that you can’t. To date I only know of one person, IRL or on forums or in the blogosphere, who has tried and succeeded. It doesn’t instill a strong sense of hopefulness that I can succeed.
So I walked into this class, specifically for moms of multiples, and expected a) to be the only mom in there who was planning on trying and b) because of that, and the fact that it’s the norm amongst multiples moms to not breastfeed, the class would be geared more towards pumping and supplementing. I was dead on about my first expectation, but dead wrong about the second.
When I walked out of the class last night, I was excited for the next one, and felt much more supported and assured of success. The presenting lactation consultant didn’t push breastfeeding. She didn’t stand up there and even moderately imply that if you don’t you’re a loser. There was no pressure. But the primary focus was breastfeeding multiples, and the ways to succeed at doing so. It made it all seem…not just possible…but realistic. And I felt less like a freak. I didn’t walk away feeling disenchanted as I expected. Instead I feel empowered.
Because I’m sitting on the other side of the fence, I’m not sure how the other mom’s felt about it. They were all twin moms-to-be, and several of them were very clear about the fact that they didn’t plan to breastfeed. So, I guess that still makes me the odd woman out. And maybe because of that, they were frustrated. Maybe they expected to hear what I expected to hear, and they were disappointed. If that’s the case, I do understand and I feel bad that they didn’t get what they wanted out of it.
But selfishly, I’m glad that I did. It was nice to hear from a professional that I could do it, that it was worth it to do it, instead of automatically being given a “free pass” to not even bother because I’d fail anyway.
Next week’s class is about the difficulties and complications and how to overcome them (and more details about options when you can’t), so don’t think for one second that I’m blanketly saying that I fail to understand all the potential circumstances.
What I am saying is that it was a huge relief to be supported on this subject. Just this once to not hear that, because I’m going to have more on my plate, I should expect less of myself.
I’ll have more to say about it after next week’s class, I’m sure.
And even more to say about it after the babies are born and I’m in the midst of it.
In the meantime? It’s really nice not to have my bubble burst.